WILD OATS

Starring Jonathon Morris and Leslie Grantham

Jonathon Morris and Leslie Grantham star in probably the most memorable sitcom I've ever seen and the funniest too. I've put together the best of the show here with some of the classic lines and some of the funniest scenes.



	David (played by Jonathon Morris) has come to London to find his father (played by Leslie Grantham of EastEnders fame) and give him his dead mother's ashes. They have not seen each other for years and David is now homeless. His block of flats has been demolished.
He goes to ask for directions and people start giving him money thinking he's begging - well it is London where it happens all thetime.
	"Hello Father". "David!" "Oh that's good, you remembered my name" "Why aren't you at school?" "Because I'm 23 Father"!!
"Seeing as you didn't make it to the funeral I've brought her to you" (handing out his mother's ashes) "This is Margaret?" "Congratulations, you remembered her name too!" "Oh my God she's still warm" "We sat over the engine on the coach."
	"And what's this. Did they cremate her mother too?" "These!! These are my worldly goods. Everything I own. Clothes, condoms and something for the nappy rash"
"Have I called at a bad time?" "No, what makes you say that? The door is always open?" "In that case can I come through it?"
	"Are you sure I haven't come at a bad time?" David notices breakfast for two on a tray on the table. "I was expecting the plumber!" "You treat your plumbers well around here"
"Do you usually give your plumbers champagne and breakfast? You've left the price on - HOW MUCH?? That's a weeks income support" When David sees his father's girlfriend come out of the bedroom he explodes. Dad admits he may have sown a few Wild Oats in his time to which David replies, " You sowed your oats but you never stayed around for the Harvest Festival". He then heads out of the door and makes for the bus stop..
	At the bus stop Roland tries to get him to go back into the flat. "You'll end up living in a cardboard box in a train station" "Well it didn't do Paddington Bear any harm. He got his own TV series"
David is having none of it and gets on the bus with all his belongings. Roland is left standing in the bus queue in his dressing gown.
	David goes to a dodgy cafe. He's then approached by another homeless kid who tries to explain how expensive London is and he'll have to sleep rough. In the crowded cafe he announces "I'm not sleeping rough. I've got Ł200 quid in cash here". The whole cafe turn around and look at him - oops!
Needless to say, David gets mugged for his cash - but they leave him his clothes after taking the piss out of them. "Hello Dad. Can I borrow a tissue?"
	"I got into a good old fashioned knees up - trouble is, their knees were in my face"
"Go and get yourself cleaned up" "I wouldn't want to wash the little boy off the new bar of Fairy"
	"Oh very pretty!!" "I think the showers broken" "What? There's Ł500 of technology there" "The water's coming out all frothy" "That's the champagne setting you pillock! "Well I felt like I was being pebble-dashed. And another thing, the clocks stopped"
"No it hasn't it's 07:30" "You get me up at 07:30 on a Saturday? I'm unemployed five days a week so let me have my weekends free" Roland tells him he can start looking for a job to pay him rent if he's going to stay there.
	His father is in advertising and as they are a person short for a 'hand shot'. The model they should have used has broken a nail! Roland takes David into work and uses him as the model.

David is now convinced his hand is his fortune and even refuses to shake hands anymore.
	"Hard day at the office?" David is lounging around stuffing his face when his father returns from the office.
He asks his dad if they are going to use his hand in their advertisement - all he had to do was hold a spanner for a catalogue!! It seems they will.
	There's someone at the door for David. It's the guy from the cafe who brings back his empty wallet then turns to walk away. David asks him to wait a minute.
"I've been wanting to say this for years. Dad, can I have my friend for tea?"
	David goes into his father's office to pick up his cheque from the photo-shoot.
He has packed all his stuff and tells them he's going to share a squat with his new mate.
	The secretary, Jennifer, attempts to get a forwarding address for David as his father is so stubborn and would have let him walk back out of his life.
Dad has been listening at the door and when the secretary flings open the door to drag some sense out of him he's smacked in the nose. "David, have you got a tissue I can borrow?"

Take a look at some more of Jonathon's television performances

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