Story 4 in the Map Room Series

Illya Kuryakin was sitting at a desk in studying a map for his next assignment. He was determined not to rely on Napoleon's sense of direction anymore. It didn't occur to him that if he allowed Napoleon to drive he himself would be free to navigate. Napoleon's driving was so bad he would only endure it as a last resort. Normally only when he wasn't feeling up to driving himself, such as those times when he had been drugged or happened to be unconscious.

Believing himself to be alone within the walls of the map room, the first moan took him by surprise; but it was so low in volume he thought he had imagined it. He looked around nonetheless and seeing no one, he shoved his glasses further up onto his nose and focussed his eyes back on the map.

It was the girlish giggling and a slightly louder moan that brought the realisation that he was not alone. Something or someone brushed his knee. Hoping desperately that it wasn't one of the rats which the Map Room had been infested with earlier that year, he moved his chair back to peek underneath the desk. He saw that it was indeed a rat, just not of the furry variety. The rat in question tried to speak to him, but Illya was in no mood to say anything to the semi-clad agent. He hastily removed himself and his map from the vicinity.

Later that morning Napoleon entered his and Illya's shared office. Illya looked up, features stony.

"Napoleon why did we bother buying a bolt for the door if you never planned on using it?"

"I have used it, it's just, well some girls… well sometimes the risk of being caught is sort of exciting."

"Oh you mean that these girls are in the arms of the great Napoleon Solo, the Don Juan of U.N.C.L.E. and they need something more? I would've thought you'd be all the excitement they'd need. Or perhaps the rumours of your greatness have been exaggerated."

"They have not," Napoleon denied, insulted, "You can ask any of the secretaries, if you don't believe me."

"Even Wanda?"

"Well any of the other secretaries."

"You really should get her transferred, she's bad for your image. All the other secretaries have succumbed to your charms; it must be darn frustrating for you having one who hasn't so close by."

"Well you know what they say, the best things come to those who wait. Given time, she'll realise what she's missing."

"I think she already knows what she's missing. But I'll take your word for it. And now my friend, it's once more unto the breach."

"Excuse me?" Napoleon asked believing that he hadn't heard properly.

"I have to go and return this map to its rightful place. I do hope if someone's in there they've remember to bolt the door, otherwise they'll be in for an unpleasant surprise."

"Uh Illya," Napoleon called after him, "you haven't forgotten about Mr Waverly have you?"

Illya paused in the doorway. "On second thoughts, I think I'll knock before I enter. Nobody likes surprises."

The End

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