·Chapter 6: Mr Waverly's Invitation

***

Napoleon woke up with a start. He looked at Illya. The colour was returning to his cheeks and making him look healthier. He sighed with relief at hearing the steady tone from Illya's monitors.

***

The Russians eyes flickered open. He looked at Napoleon and then back down at himself. Confusion flitted across his face. He looked through tired eyes, "Napoleon, did it…?"

"Yes, it's okay now," he said gently, "get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up again."

***

"It's time for Mr Kuryakin to have his feeding, Mr Solo," the Nurse said with obvious concern at the prospect of providing nourishment to the aforementioned Mr Kuryakin.

Napoleon took the tray from her and said, "Don't worry about that, I'll make sure he eats something."

The Nurse looked at Napoleon with obvious relief and he wondered at her concern, the Illya Kuryakin he knew would eat anything that couldn't outrun him.

As the Nurse made her escape, Napoleon saw a spoonful of lumpy porridge fly at the Nurse as though it had been flicked. Napoleon turned back to Illya, who was putting down the now empty spoon.

"I'm not going to eat it, so you can just throw it away."

"Alright who are you and what have you done with the real Illya Kuryakin?"

"It's horrible. I think they're trying to poison me."

Napoleon tasted it and his face twisted into a grimace, "I've seen you eat worse," was all he said.

"Get me some real food and I'll eat it. Some vodka also, a big bottle."

"This is good for you Illya. It's nice and healthy and vodka is against hospital rules. Now open wide for the aeroplane," Napoleon said as he moved the spoon around as though he was trying to entice a baby to eat.

"No," Illya said stubbornly. Napoleon grabbed the Illya's cheeks and prized his mouth open, after which he shoved the spoon inside.

"Now swallow," he said and Illya gave him a look that made it clear exactly what he wanted to do with the porridge in his mouth. Napoleon took hold of his nose and cut off his air until he swallowed the porridge. "There now don't you feel much better?" He asked with a grin.

"Napoleon, you…" Illya sputtered.

***

When Napoleon came to visit he found Illya engrossed in a book. He looked up when Napoleon entered but made no attempt to put the book down or speak with him.

Finally Napoleon cracked, "Illya, what are you reading?"

"Strange tales of sex and violence."

"Excuse me?" Napoleon sputtered wondering what the nurses would say if they discovered the material. Not to mention that it was entirely out of character for Illya. He lifted the book to read the label, "nursery rhymes," he read, "you had me worried for a moment."

"These are supposed to be for children, but they don't seem suitable. Listen to this one…

'Goosey, goosey Gander, whither shall I wander,

Upstairs and downstairs and in my lady's chamber.

There I met an old man who wouldn't say his prayers,

I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs.'"

"So?" Napoleon asked feeling slightly puzzled, "what's wrong with that?"

"What was the old man doing in the lady's chamber? Nothing innocent I'm sure. The violence speaks for itself, the old man being thrown down a flight of stairs. It's hardly teaching children to have respect for their elders now is it?"

"Where did you get that book anyway?"

"April brought it, she got it from the children's library of all places."

Napoleon sighed, he was going to have to make sure that April was more careful with what reading material she brought Illya in future.

"Oh by the way Napoleon, I found this on my pillow this morning," he said as he leaned down to pick up the teddy bear, off the floor, which Napoleon had given to him and been cohabiting his bedroom since the mission began. "Did you put it here after I fell asleep?"

"Yes Mark told me all about it. He said when he visited you this morning you were fast asleep and hugging the teddy bear. He said he was never so pleased to have had his camera with him. You know, that little miniature one the lab boys invented for special missions. He was rushing off to get the film developed when I saw him. He said something about the Uncle notice board as well. I've never seen the guy look so happy."

Napoleon had to duck to avoid the teddy bear as it was thrown at him.

"Now, now Illya is that any way to treat your little friend?"

Napoleon decided to make a hasty retreat before the Russian started throwing his books.

***

After Illya had been released from the hospital, the agents were being debriefed in Mr Waverly's office. Napoleon had latched onto one of the teachers from Illya's school and Mark had latched onto another. Illya and April also were looking particularly chummy.

Mr Waverly glanced around the room knowing it was probably useless to ask but…

"And now to get to other matters I'd like to propose that we all have dinner this evening."

"Well I'm er sorry er sir but Miss Fumes and I will have to er beg off…"

"Oh forgive me Mr Solo, I should have known. Well, just the five of us then…"

"Illya and I have plans too."

"Oh?" Napoleon said pausing in the doorway.

"Yes April has graciously offered to help me test my reflexes."

"Illya," he said coming further into the room. "You heard the doctor as well as I did. No strenuous activity for two weeks and that includes testing out reflexes."

Nobody noticed as Mr Slate and his date slipped quietly from the room.

Illya narrowed his eyes at Napoleon, trust him to have such a good memory where such things were concerned.

"And when were you going to tell me?" April demanded.

"You know doctors they tend to over react about things."

"I wouldn't call the possibility of a heart attack an over reaction. Never mind Illya," he said as he patted him on the cheek, "you and April can always play I nice game of scrabble."

Even if Napoleon was right about the situation he needn't act so smug about ruining his date with April. So as Napoleon turned to go off with his date Illya caught April's eye and gave her a brief smile.

"Oh Napoleon I forgot to mention, I took several messages for you. Several of your lady friends called," with a smile in his voice he continued, "there was Sandy and…" He broke off as Napoleon's date stormed out the room.

Napoleon moved towards Illya slowly and with menace.

"I'm terribly sorry Napoleon I must have had a slight relapse into my childish nature."

"Napoleon you leave Illya alone, you were worried about his heart a moment ago." April said with concern.

"I take it Mr Solo, that you are now available for dinner?" Mr Waverly asked.

"Er no sir, somebody has to chaperone these two love birds."

The End

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Index

Stories