By Nadja Lee
(neh@post10.tele.dk ) 05/12/02
Declaimer: This poem
belongs to the writer, Nadja Lee, and may not be reproduced in any form or
shape without the written permission from the author.
We walk
around
Life goes
its merry way
We have no
control
But we
pretend we do
All those
words
That cut in
the heart
The times I
see you
Yelling
Always
yelling
I don’t
want to be so weak
I don’t
want to be afraid
But when
you’re small
Even
someone like you
Seem big
This is how
I see it
This is how
the world turns
No one sees
the pain within
No one
cares
This is how
I see it
Don’t raise
your voice to me
Don’t you
know what I carry within me?
Of course
you don’t
Foolish
me….
Thinking
you’ll care
A father is
not a protector
He’s the
punisher
A mother is
not caring
She’s
always telling you all you do is wrong
I saw him
once, y’know
I can’t
remember…
I don’t
think I want to remember
But I know
she cried
I had never
seen her cry before
Why can’t I
let it all go?
Forgive and
move on and all that shit?
Can I ever
forgive what he did?
To me?
To her?
To all of
us?
Maybe
somehow I don’t want to let go
Because if
I do….
What do I
have left?
This is how
I see it
Nothing
ever changes
Everything
stays the same
This is how
I see it
No one
cares anyway
The funny
thing is
I wanted to
be strong
But fool
me;
I always
believed
I wanted to
believe
Everything
was different
Fear him
Avoid her
Talk to no
one
Life is
perfect
At least we
pretend it is
You say I
exaggerate
My life was
great
Then you
try living it
You have no
idea
What demons
rest inside me
This is how
I see it
I should
have done more
I was a
coward
I feared
him, I forgot how he was
I should
forgive
Can I
forgive?
Everyone
thinks
Only the
hurt that leaves bruises
Are worth
talking about
What about
the bruises and scars
On the
soul?
Those never
fade away
Don’t tell
me how to live my life
You have no
fuckin’ right
Yet….yet
still
Why do I
keep coming back?
I wish I
didn’t care what you think
I know you
disapprove of everything I do anyway
Then why in
the world can’t I tear myself free?
Why do I
keep coming back?
Playing a
role
Pretending
to be strong
While you
give your list
Of all the
things I suck at
Thanks…I
really needed that
Why do I
keep listening to you?
All of you?
Your words
wound me
More than
the hits I took ever did
They faded;
they were never severe
It was all
in my mind
The fear,
the insecurity
It’s still
all in my mind
Why? Why do
I keep coming back?
I don’t
know
Maybe I’m
just as insane
As you
always thought I was
Maybe I’m
just living in my own world
Like you
always said I did
This is how
I see it
Things are
the way they are
I can’t
change that
Nothing I
do will ever be enough
That’s just
the way things are
This is how
I see it……