More Than That                                                 

By Nadja Lee                                     26/11/01

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: “X-men” and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie

Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.

Romance: Scott/Kitty, Logan/Rogue

Summary: Kitty thinks about loving an older man

Archiving: Want, ASK, take,  have.

Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@post10.tele.dk.

Rating: PG-13

Sequel/series: None

Dedicated to Leah with love and thanks.

Part 1:

I watch you so often. I notice the small things; things she ignores. I can see when you’re sad or displeased. Normally you see such things in people’s eyes but I can see them in the tightening of your jaw, the way you move your lips…the fibre that vibrates in your cheek. It is so obvious to me so why can’t she see it?

I’ve known you for two years now and I’ve loved you just as long. I try to hide it but it seems everyone but you knows. Ororo thinks it’s kinda sweet, Jean hates me like the plague and has already let me fail her class once (redheads sure have some temper), Xavier is concerned and you… you seem as clueless as only a guy can be.

It pains me to see you hurt; it pains me to see you with her. She hurts you with everything she does and especially what she doesn’t do. How can she hurt you so? Don’t hold on to her, what’s the use? She gives you nothing yet you give her everything. Don’t live like that, don’t hurt like that when you deserve so much more. You seem so sure of yourself but beneath the surface I know there is a scared and frightened little boy who thinks he deserves no better love than what he’s getting.

That’s not true. You deserve a lot better. You always thinks of others before yourself, your first thought, your first concern are always anyone but yourself.

I’m not sure I could say in one sentence or even in one lifetime why I love you. There are so many reasons. It’s the way you smile, the way you take care of me, the way you make everything work at the school yet no one says thanks but everyone will complain if something doesn’t work, it’s the way you hide your pain, it’s the way you try to protect everyone but yourself from danger, it’s the way you seem like a small boy I want to protect and a strong man who’ll take care of me all at the same time, it’s in the way you move your hands when you explain, it’s the way you try to hide your colour-blindness, the sweet way you’ll try and ask for something specific without mentioning the colour…..it’s everything you do.

I’ve asked Rogue what to do. She should know. Her situation was a lot like mine last year before Logan returned. The love she didn’t know if he returned, the way most of the teachers disapproved…the way you feel so isolated and alone. But Logan did return and he did love her. He just came back one day and told her that he had finally admitted to himself that he loved her so the rules of society be damned. I wonder if Scott can…and will do the same? He tries so hard to get the approval he never got as a child…would he suffer the same scorn as an adult as he did as a child…. for me?

Rogue says I only have to wait and see. He’ll come around. Jubilee says I should take the first step. But I don’t dare. What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if I make a fool of myself? What of Jean? Does he love her? Even after all she has put him through; the way she hurts him, ignores him, steps on his feelings and flirts with others…. does he still love her enough to keep forgiving? When will he say stop? Does he dare to say stop or is he too afraid to be alone? Loneliness…is the scariest thing there is and I understand all too well the fear for it. What if….what if… So many uncertainties.

But, God, I wish he’d come to me. I wish he’d open up. Then I’ll take him in my arms and tell him;

 

“I’ll you love much more than that.”

 

The End